How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Congratulations! We have a period
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