I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
