Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
