Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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