that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
