So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
