glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
