They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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