Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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