Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize