i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
