"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
is it fun? or sober?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
