Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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