I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
