I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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