i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love having hate sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
