I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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