i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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