I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
