the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
