You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
