Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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