So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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