Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
