Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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