I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
