So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
