did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
