Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
