I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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