Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
