I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
