i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
