my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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