Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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