I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
