Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
