Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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