bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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