My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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