Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
