So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
