My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Will exercising make me less horny?
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