Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
