If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
