Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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