I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
