I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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