Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
