oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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