Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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