in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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