i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize