Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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