Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
