he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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