If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
