and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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