Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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