im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
