I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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