Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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