Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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