Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
