i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
