please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
