i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
