Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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