P.S. I can't hear my feet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
