There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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