he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
