I think my fart just growled at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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