Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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